That Stops Today

I wrote this poem in the wee hours of the night.  At the time, I was feeling so alone.  I didn’t feel like myself, and I couldn’t understand why.  I asked God to help me get through the night because my spirit was as low as it has been in a long time.  Here’s what happened when I sat still.

 

That Stops Today

I’ve forsaken my art

I’ve lowered my voice

Once loud, and boisterous

I’ve quieted by choice

Scared to hurt those around me

While I let their thoughts surround and abound me

Crushed like ice

Whipped with force

The road I’m on

Is not my chosen  course

I need to go my way

I know I’ll lose some friends

I need to go my way

The path I’m on is a dead end

I’m tired

I’m weak and worn

Worn, but not worn out

Discouraged, but still knocking down doubt

I have words

and my words carry clout!!

So I restore my voice

It’s all I have

I restore my voice

although others laugh

I lift my voice

I lift my voice

I lift my voice!

I have something to say!

I have forsaken my voice

But that shit stops today!

This is an original poem

I read a quote from @PositiveMinds__ on Twitter on 12/30/15.  These are words to live by.

“Give, but do not allow yourself to be used.  Love, but do not allow your heart to be abused.  Trust, but don’t be naive.  Listen to others, but don’t lose your own voice.”

That is where I am in my life.  I’m finding my voice.  I’m regaining my power.  I’m no longer pretending.

This is especially true for women

Oftentimes, we find ourselves bogged down by our responsibilities, and we don’t take care of ourselves because we are so busy trying to care for others.  The thing is, being selfless is not a virtue.  It’s a crime against humanity.  You owe it to the world to be the best person you can be.  You cannot be your best self if you rarely invest in you.

Get back to the basics.  Focus on God to (re)develop your path of spiritual growth.  Focus on improving your physical health so that you can begin to feel better, and feel better about yourself.  Fall in love with yourself again.  Now, none of the basics require you to neglect your responsibilities; however, it does require extra effort.  Restore your voice because you have something to say.  Quelling your voice?  Well, that *ish* stops today!

Pray,  meditate, then take action.

Here’s to living essentially.

Jaketta

 

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Why pretend?

 

Being true to yourself means valuing your own opinion of you.

Being true to yourself means valuing your own opinion of you.

For most of my adult life I’ve taken action based on what others wanted me to do, or what someone else thought was best for me.  While I believe those people meant well, what they told me to do was antithetical to what I was thinking.  So I unhappily pursued goals and dreams that I had no interest in.  No wonder my life hasn’t panned out the way I thought it would.  I’ve been pretending to be happy, when deep down I felt like crap.  After doing some reading and soul-searching I realize, when you pursue goals that aren’t your own, you’ve given away your power.  That’s right!  I gave away my power because I wanted to maintain those relationships.  My self-esteem was tied into how others felt about me instead of how I felt about myself.  I needed approval because I didn’t trust my own judgment.  Now that I’m saying it, it’s a painful thing to deal with, but in revealing my pain I hope to help someone else.

When you don’t love yourself, you’re telling  God (or your Higher Intelligence, etc.) that “you” are inadequate.  You’re saying that “you” in and of yourself, aren’t good enough.  You’re saying that “you” are incapable of living life under your terms.  When you don’t love yourself, you give your  power away.  Yep!  You hand it right over.  What’s worse is, you typically hand it over to someone who doesn’t have power over their own lives.  I know that’s what I did.  I usually gave my power to a significant other, like a boyfriend or for me currently, my spouse.  I wanted to be accepted within a loving relationship, and I traded my spirit for it.  I wanted to find a relationship that replaced the lack of love I felt from my mother.  I was chasing feelings of love.

Now, let me say this.  I’m not blaming my mother for anything.  I used to, thus giving away my power again.  I realize now that my mother, had her own issues that she had difficulties dealing with and she taught me the best way she knew how.  I don’t blame her for the choices I’ve made as an adult because I could’ve sought proper counsel and I didn’t.  I thought I had no power.  I thought my circumstances were my life, and so I didn’t seek help.  I now realize I have the power to change my life, with God’s help.  That’s the path I’m on because I’m tired of pretending to be happy.  I’m tired of living a life without passion.  I’m tired of being tired.  How about you?

Is your life the way you want it to be?  Are you pretending?  Have you given away your power?  Get your power back by learning to love and trust yourself.  See if you can figure out what is the broken relationship in your life.  Do you know which feelings of love you are trying to capture?  It may take a lot of time, but make the choice to make peace with that relationship.  Only you know how you can make peace, but if you make the decision to do it, give it your all.  Love and trust that God has given you everything you need to take you to the next level.  Forgiveness will take you to your next phase.  Why pretend when you can begin to live the life you want to live?

There’s one more thing.  Seek help.  Don’t take this journey without guidance.

Pray, meditate, then take action.

Here’s to living essentially.

Jaketta

I would love to hear from you.  Tell me what you think in the comments section.