Forgiveness is a choice

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Did you really read the title of this post?  Read it again, please.  You read it correctly!  Forgiveness is a choice.  You decide whether to forgive or not.  You have the power to choose forgiveness.  If you’re still holding grudges it’s because you want to.  You feel powerful when you’re holding a real or perceived “wrong” over someone’s head.  There’s a problem with holding a grudge though.  When you don’t forgive, you’ll never be forgiven, and being unforgiven is burdensome.

For a long time, I blamed my mother for many of my life’s problems.  I thought it was her fault and her fault alone.  Man, was I wrong!  It took some time, but I began the process of forgiving my mother.  I now realize she did the best she could with the coping skills she had developed at the time.  Today, my mother and I are in a much better place.  No relationship has rebounded faster over a span of twelve years.  At one point, I truly hated my mother, now after going down the path of forgiveness, I talk to my mother at least two to 4 times a week.  Yes, we are still having those uncomfortable conversations, but it takes us a step closer to healing.  You have to be willing to feel the pain in order to process deep feelings.  The thoughts that once harmed you can be replaced with positive thoughts that give you energy and life.

Below is a video that helped me tremendously.  I do not own this video, but I hope you will watch this and start the process of forgiveness.  It won’t happen overnight, but when you make the choice to forgive you will begin to see the beautiful results of forgiveness.  The greatest outcome is freedom.

Affirmations:  I respect my mother’s journey.

I will learn to heal.

I receive forgiveness for myself and my mother.

 

Pray, meditate, then take action.

Here’s to living essentially.

Jae

Share your story of forgiveness in the comments below.  By helping others, you help yourself.

 

 

Why pretend?

 

Being true to yourself means valuing your own opinion of you.

Being true to yourself means valuing your own opinion of you.

For most of my adult life I’ve taken action based on what others wanted me to do, or what someone else thought was best for me.  While I believe those people meant well, what they told me to do was antithetical to what I was thinking.  So I unhappily pursued goals and dreams that I had no interest in.  No wonder my life hasn’t panned out the way I thought it would.  I’ve been pretending to be happy, when deep down I felt like crap.  After doing some reading and soul-searching I realize, when you pursue goals that aren’t your own, you’ve given away your power.  That’s right!  I gave away my power because I wanted to maintain those relationships.  My self-esteem was tied into how others felt about me instead of how I felt about myself.  I needed approval because I didn’t trust my own judgment.  Now that I’m saying it, it’s a painful thing to deal with, but in revealing my pain I hope to help someone else.

When you don’t love yourself, you’re telling  God (or your Higher Intelligence, etc.) that “you” are inadequate.  You’re saying that “you” in and of yourself, aren’t good enough.  You’re saying that “you” are incapable of living life under your terms.  When you don’t love yourself, you give your  power away.  Yep!  You hand it right over.  What’s worse is, you typically hand it over to someone who doesn’t have power over their own lives.  I know that’s what I did.  I usually gave my power to a significant other, like a boyfriend or for me currently, my spouse.  I wanted to be accepted within a loving relationship, and I traded my spirit for it.  I wanted to find a relationship that replaced the lack of love I felt from my mother.  I was chasing feelings of love.

Now, let me say this.  I’m not blaming my mother for anything.  I used to, thus giving away my power again.  I realize now that my mother, had her own issues that she had difficulties dealing with and she taught me the best way she knew how.  I don’t blame her for the choices I’ve made as an adult because I could’ve sought proper counsel and I didn’t.  I thought I had no power.  I thought my circumstances were my life, and so I didn’t seek help.  I now realize I have the power to change my life, with God’s help.  That’s the path I’m on because I’m tired of pretending to be happy.  I’m tired of living a life without passion.  I’m tired of being tired.  How about you?

Is your life the way you want it to be?  Are you pretending?  Have you given away your power?  Get your power back by learning to love and trust yourself.  See if you can figure out what is the broken relationship in your life.  Do you know which feelings of love you are trying to capture?  It may take a lot of time, but make the choice to make peace with that relationship.  Only you know how you can make peace, but if you make the decision to do it, give it your all.  Love and trust that God has given you everything you need to take you to the next level.  Forgiveness will take you to your next phase.  Why pretend when you can begin to live the life you want to live?

There’s one more thing.  Seek help.  Don’t take this journey without guidance.

Pray, meditate, then take action.

Here’s to living essentially.

Jaketta

I would love to hear from you.  Tell me what you think in the comments section.